Hoo boy. Yesterday,
tin-pot dictator President Donald Trump held an affair dubbed a meeting of his cabinet, but which turned out to be a nauseating contest to see which cabinet member could most thoroughly smooch The Orange Derriere, if not The Tiny Penis.
Here’s the whole depressing thing. It is from beginning to end the most surreal shitshow I’ve ever seen.
Before he turned to the main event of basking in the adulation of the nitwits he appointed to high office, though, Trump had to tell some lies. First, he bitched that he was only just now having his first cabinet meeting because the Senate Democrats are “very very obstructionist” in confirming his nominees, explaining why his cabinet is only just now complete and of course hundreds of lower-level positions remain unfilled. Everyone knows that this explanation is USDA Farm-Grade donkeyshit because (a) a simple majority of the Senate is all that’s required to confirm Trump’s nominees, AND THE SENATE IS CONTROLLED BY THE REPUBLICANS; and (b) Trump’s appointments have been slower than any of the last four presidents.
Smoothly moving to the next fib, Trump said:
We have been moving at a much faster pace than other presidents. Never has there been a president — with a few exceptions, in the case of FDR he had a major depression to handle — who has passed more legislation, who has done more than than we’ve done.
As the New York Times pointed out in the Gray Lady’s maddeningly understated style :
Mr. Trump has yet to sign any major legislation since taking office. His effort to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act was delayed after a failed first attempt, and his administration is months away from unveiling either a major tax cut package or the sweeping infrastructure plan he has promised.
In plain English, Donald Trump is a lying liar who lies.
With all the lying done, Trump then called on each cabinet member (and chief of staff Rience Priebus) to sing Trump’s praises. Again from the Times:
After his introductory remarks on Monday, the president went around the table asking for a statement from each cabinet member. One by one, they said their names and paid tribute to Mr. Trump, describing how honored they were to serve in his administration as he nodded approvingly.
“Thank you for the opportunity to serve at S.B.A.,” said Linda McMahon, the head of the Small Business Administration, touting “a new optimism” for small businesses.
Ben Carson, the housing secretary, called it “a great honor” to work for Mr. Trump, while Sonny Perdue, the agriculture secretary, offered congratulations for “the men and women you have gathered around this table.”
And amid fresh reports that his job is in danger, Reince Priebus, the chief of staff, outdid them all, telling Mr. Trump — and the assembled news cameras — that “we thank you for the opportunity and the blessing to serve your agenda.”
“The opportunity and the blessing to serve your agenda.” Jesus, Reince, you might want to wipe that off your chin.
A normal cabinet meeting opens with a few photographers snapping pics for the media, the president saying a few words, and then the cabinet conducting the nation’s business. But oh no, not this administration, which is zanily destroying all ideas of what is normal for the president of the most powerful nation in the world. CNN likened the whole disgusting Trump love-in to an episode of The Apprentice featuring contestants sucking up to Trump to not get You’re Fired:
What those contestants knew is the same thing Trump’s Cabinet has now realized: Flattery will get you everywhere. Donald Trump’s favorite topic of conversation is Donald Trump. The best way to talk about Donald Trump, if you want to keep working for Donald Trump, is to praise Donald Trump. The more over-the-top, the better.
I’m sure the same is true of a bunch of minor third-world dictators, too.
You really should watch the whole video to understand just how batshit crazy the “cabinet meeting” really was.